MANY PEOPLE ASSOCIATE BEING GAY WITH PARTIES, FRIVOLITY AND NOT BEING SERIOUS. IN OTHER WORDS – YES – GAIETY. WE HAVE FOUGHT FOR OUR ACCEPTANCE BUT AT THE SAME TIME TRIED TO PRESERVE A CERTAIN INDIVIDUALITY BY SHOWING THE WORLD THAT SIDE OF HOMOSEXUALITY THAT UNFORTUNATELY FOR MANY HAS BECOME SO STEREOTYPE FOR ‘GAY-BEHAVIOR.’ IT IS OK, IT IS FINE. WE ARE WHO WE ARE AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO EXPRESS THAT IN THE MOST REBELLIOUS WAY. AFTER ALL, LIFE IS A CABARET, ISN’T IT? BUT THEN AGAIN, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN THAT. LIKE THE FEELING OF LONELINESS, AND THE LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE…
After musings on sexual behavior like exhibitionism and casual sex, after thoughts on relationships, lost chances and the fear of ending up being single, today Pierre-Yves Monnerville takes us on a confrontational path, talking about the things we most fear.
"No matter how close I am to people or love them, I sometimes find it quite hard to connect with them. I see some friends I really adore in so much pain that I’d like to take some of it from them.
Of course we all know how it works. Or, do we?
When I’m myself in pain, whether emotionally or physically, the people close to me try really hard to help but it’s always pointless to me. It’s good for my morale to know that there are people around caring about me but at the end of the day, that doesn’t take the pain or worry away."
"I’d like to be seen as laid back, down to earth and all the rest of it, but I was walking earlier on in Soho and sadly, I was pretty self conscious. It was like in my 20’s all over again. What was that about? It’s quite funny though to be concerned about how people can perceive me or how I want to portray myself. I’m realizing that I want people to find me attractive and cool and I’m still not very confident so I guess this afternoon, I went down the easy road of masking a lack of confidence with a bit of attitude.
To a certain extend, I feel different from when I was in my 20’s. I don’t feel I have to conform to stereotypes anymore to define who I am. I remember myself then, how I used to behave, the outfits I used to wear and everything, I was clearly overwhelmed by my coming out. I thought being gay was enough to define me as a person. I also felt I got myself a lifetime membership to some kind of club or brotherhood. My mum thought I had been ‘recruited’ so that might explain it, but that’s another story.
I’m just happy I don’t care so much anymore about being gay, butch, camp or whatever. I also need to relax about how people see me and if they fancy me or not." -B-
Photography and text by Pierre-Yves Monnerville. Loneliness is based on a real life experiences from Pierre-Yves Monnerville. Model: Lysthenon. Self conscious is a fictive story. Model: Dario.
Read also Pierre-Yves Monnerville’s Diaries | Volume 1 and Volume 2.
PIERRE-YVES MONNERVILLE | BEAUTIFUL
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